NonBelief Grief--Where Do Bad Folks Go When They Die?

Where Do Bad Folks Go When They Die?

Part One--In Hell.  

by Megan Ivanyos

My sister is in hell.

An employee at a center, of which I was a client, looked me in the eye and told me so. She explained that "God" does answer prayers if one has a true relationship with him, which this woman had(?) along with her husband. She appeared to think she had some “in” with God. I respected her advice other in regards, but I was a little scared after hearing such delusional words.

She is not the only person who thinks my sister is burning in hell.

A now-former friend from Las Vegas informed me that she was a plague on the earth and it is better she is gone. See, my sister shot herself after suffering from bipolar disorder for years.

My sister and me in Las Vegas 2004

Conservative Christians use the Bible to judge others’ eternal fates. Gays? Hell. Murderers? Hell. Prostitutes? Hell. Pro-lifers? Hell. My sister had been working in the adult film industry for a handful of years, so she was doubly in hell.

I’ve been told sex workers just need Jesus. There are at least two women that have built a career around this claim. Imagine my surprise when my sister’s image was splashed across one of their websites along with others from the industry. According to this scum, the adult industry is directly responsible for the death of people that work in it. The sin was not coming to Jesus...in time. There is a list of individuals and how they died. For shame.

This argument doesn’t stand though. Before she died, she had began attending a new mega-church on the NW side of Las Vegas. Her funeral service was facilitated by a pastor at this mega-church campus. Why didn’t Jesus grab her then?

It’s not just Christians who made disgusting comments about my sister. Anonymous, internet folk had similar sentiments. “Just another dead whore who was good for nothing except sucking dick.” The comments hit me in my emotional core over and over. It caused me immeasurable pain. The kind of pain that is impossible to “not let it get to you.”

If anything, working in the industry kept her going, because she found a way to make money with no fixed schedule. She traveled and she got the attention she enjoyed.

Out of the Darkness Walk memorial letter in Milwaukee and Iowa City, 2013

The attitudes towards my sister and others like her change the way I am able to grieve.

I knew where and how my sister was going to kill herself for years, just not when. She left a tall blonde-sized hole in my family. This was a result of a mental illness-end of story.

NEW NonBelief Grief Support Group

Mythicist Milwaukee is starting a NonBelief Grief Support Group held at Milwaukee Cooperative in the Grand Ave. mall. It will be held on the Tuesday after the first Discussion group of each month, beginning on February 9 at 7 p.m. Go to our Meetup.com page for more information.